so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
