Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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