I like my sex mixed with concussions.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
