We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
