I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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