I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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