Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
