im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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