i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
