She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize