The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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