Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
