You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
