Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
