i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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