Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
