the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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