Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We smell like vodka and hangover
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