I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
