i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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