Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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