i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
