Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
