he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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