Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
