It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im holly from the hills drunk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
