I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
