sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
