I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
