Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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