wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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