I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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