Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
