I love black thongs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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