def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
