i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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