Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You did what with his pubic hair?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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