Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
