Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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