I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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