hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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