You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
