i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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