discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
