She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
