FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
