So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
