I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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