Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
