She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
