you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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