Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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