Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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