I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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