I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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