He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
