i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
kristin has been a bad kristin
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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