are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
