The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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