YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
