I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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