How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
