he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
