God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
