I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
