Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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