using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
