**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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