I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
