i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
