Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
