so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
