Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
