Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
