dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
