If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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