guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
