Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my sisters under your porch take her home
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
