pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
