just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
