Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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