she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
