I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
