Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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