coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
